You have a sinking feeling in the pit of your
stomach, something is not right but you can't quite figure out what that
feeling is about. Your spouse has become distant, he/she is working
late on a regular basis or, maybe your spouse has moved out of the house
with no explanation. You suspect your spouse is cheating
but every time you bring it up with your spouse, he/she denies the
possibility. All the signs are there but you don't have any proof. So,
pay attention to the signs and your instinct but, be careful not to
confuse signs with proof.
1. "I Love You But I'm Not In Love With You."
If you hear these words, a big warning bell should go off. This is one of the most consistent things a
cheating spouse will say. Your spouse may have a deep, loving bond with you but,
intense feelings of passion can override the bond with you and cause
your spouse to lose sight of his/her true feelings. The
cheating spouse will develop what I call hormone - induced amnesia. The surging hormones and passion they feel in their new relationship can cause some very skewed thinking.
2. "We are just friends."
This is also another very predictable statement that will come from a cheating spouse.
If your spouse is spending more and more time with this new "friend";
then there is probably more to it than mere friendship. Your spouse may
feel they have a lot in common with this person, that this person
understands them and things they are going through. Whatever the reasons
for the friendship, it's a big warning sign and one you should take seriously.
3. A sudden need for privacy.
If
things the two of you used to share openly suddenly become private pay
attention cause something is probably up. He/she may start password
protecting computer activity.
Cell phone and credit card bills may be
hidden. If you ask why or attempt to find out information that used to
be common knowledge between the two of you, you will be accused of
snooping or trying to control your spouse. Big warning sign!
4. "I need some space to figure out my feelings."
Men and women who are involved with someone else will request more space,
time alone or away from the family. They may say it is due to confusion
over their feelings or stress at work. This can be a sign that there is
someone else and the spouse is trying to figure out ways to have more
freedom.
5. Regular work habits change.
Working
late, going to work at odd hours or, putting in more time than is
normal on work related issues can be
an indication that a spouse is cheating.
6. Spending a large amount of time on the computer.
In
today’s world, with modern technology, a person looking for an affair
doesn’t even have to leave their home. The ease of internet chat rooms, online dating sites and secret email accounts has caused an alarming increase in emotional affairs. If
your spouse is
online more than usual, hanging out in chat rooms and
visiting pornographic websites then you have reason to be alarmed.
7. Secretive phone calls and more time spent on the phone.
Emotional affairs
occur primarily via the phone, especially
cell phones. If you find your
spouse hanging up suddenly when you enter the room or
erasing the history on the cell phone and becoming defensive when asked about it,
then you might want to check your phone records.
8. Behavior that just doesn't add up.
Not
being where he/she was expected to be. Missing time they can't explain.
Money that isn't accounted for. Receipts for things you don't have.
Missing clothing. Clothing that does not belong to your family. Being
caught in little lies about the details of the day.
9. Your Own fears and suspicions
If you find yourself looking
for excuses for your spouse's behavior or trying to convince yourself
that they would never cheat then that is a warning sign. Your intuition
is frequently one of the best indicators that something is wrong. If you
suspect your spouse might be cheating on you, do some investigating and
then talk to him/her
about what you've found. Do it in a way that is calm and courteous. Ask
for honesty. Be prepared for lies. It is a sad fact that people having
affairs become excellent liars. People who never told a lie before in
their lives. Trust your gut instinct but get hard, cold proof also.
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